She Never Complained
By Kathy Behring
My mother, Peggy Halpin, died on Oct. 1, 2003. She had multiple myeloma.
She fought so hard for nine and a half years. She had every chemo treatment she could have through the years. She had experimental drugs, radiation and medication.
During those years, the cancer would go into remission, then it would recur. Multiple myeloma is cancer in the bone marrow — plasma cells in the bone marrow that everyone produces every day. It destroys bone tissue.
All of her bones had cancer, which created holes in them. They would break easily.
She fought many infections because the chemotherapy wiped out her immune system. She had excruciating pain every day and was given many different pain medications — only to make her sicker with nausea and vomiting.
During these nine and a half years, she was in pain, but she never complained, never got mad or angry about the cancer or never asked “why me.” She always hoped there would be a cure.
She continued to take chemo and radiation, anything the doctors suggested.
She had so much courage and determination. I never knew my mom was so strong. She had always been a very quiet, private person who was very kind and never said a bad word about anyone.
She wanted to live. She had a strong faith in God, and her faith and church were very important to her.
Her family was also very important to her. She loved all of us: her husband, five children, 15 grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
As she went through all the treatments, all the sickness and pain, she never complained, never got angry, never was sad. She was always thinking and caring for others.
After nine and a half years, her kidneys failed, and she had to go on dialysis. She was on dialysis for a week, but she was so tired of fighting. She didn’t want to give up but couldn’t find the strength anymore. She didn’t want to leave her family or friends.
The last week when she was in skilled care, she told me she wasn’t afraid to die, that she wanted to see her parents and brother, Jack, and that God wanted her to be with him. She said what she was afraid of was leaving all of us. She told me, “You need to help Dad. He’s going to be so lonely. All you kids need to help him. I know all of you kids will be sad, but you know I love all of you.”
When Mom died, she was only 88 pounds. Her body couldn’t fight anymore. She was surrounded by all of her family. Her birthday was July 22. She would have been 77 years old.
Even though in October it will be five years without her, there never is a day that goes by that I don’t think about her, how she was a strong, quiet person, how she was a great wife, mother and grandmother, how she was a great cook and loved to make homemade ice cream, cookies and pies.
She worked hard to live. She never missed a Sunday at church no matter how sick she was.
We all miss her very much, but we know she’s in a better place with no pain. She’s looking down on all of us, watching and waiting. She was a kind person who never demanded or wanted attention, but she was a strong, wonderful person whom everyone loved.
She will be missed every day until we see her in her home in heaven.
UPDATE MARCH 1, 2009:
Kathy wrote of her mother’s courage in the face of multiple melanoma.
“It did help a lot writing it and talking about it. I felt a lot better. It is hard to write about your mom and how it was. My family said it was good to read but hard to read. I felt like I had to say it. It’s still there, it’s always going to be there, that missing piece. … Every Christmas, there’s always something missing. I don’t think that will ever change. Overall, I was glad I wrote it. Every day gets a little better, as far as missing them, but there will always be that missing piece. I enjoyed writing about it, but it was awful hard.”
Tags: Kathy Behring
